Review: The Red Lion at Trafalgar Studios 2

There’s a clip from The IT Crowd in which Moss and Roy, in a bid to impress some new guy friends, have ended up at a football match. “Hooray,” says Moss unenthusiastically. “He’s kicked the ball.”

I must confess this is pretty much how I feel about football (though I might have used another IT Crowd gem – “Did you see that ludicrous display last night?” – at work a few times, just for fun). But I also know that for many people it’s more than a sport; it’s a way of life. There’s even a certain theatricality about it: 22 players performing for an excited audience who are all thoroughly invested in a happy outcome – for their side, anyway. And I can’t deny feeling a grudging respect for the fans who give up their time and money to devotedly follow their team come rain or shine, good times or bad.

Photo credit: Mark Douet

Patrick Marber took that devotion to another level a few years ago, when he became the joint owner of his local football team to save it from bankruptcy. And this passion is both the inspiration for and the central theme of The Red Lion, in which three men see their fortunes rise and fall in the sweaty confines of a players’ changing room. Kidd is the wheeler dealer manager of an unnamed semi-professional football team – relocated under director Max Roberts to the North East of England. Yates is a local legend; once a star player, then a manager, now he’s the kit man, but still as loyal as ever to the club he loves. And then along comes Jordan, a star player in the making. Both Kidd and Yates have plans for the young man’s future – but with one of them driven by money and the other by honour, there’s no way those plans can ever coincide.

While Patrick Connellan’s locker room set is undeniably impressive in its attention to detail (you can even smell the Deep Heat), the play’s real power lies with its cast of three incredible actors, each of whom brings something different to the table. Dean Bone is a picture of youthful naivety and helplessness as Jordan, a pawn referred to most often by the other two men as simply “the kid”, while John Bowler’s fragile Yates speaks his lines with a loving, almost hypnotic caress that can make even a non-believer appreciate football’s poetry. Last but definitely not least, Stephen Tompkinson gives a powerhouse performance as Kidd – one minute he has us roaring with laughter, the next he’s apoplectic with fury, and the next broken by the threat of losing everything that matters to him. All three actors know how to deliver a funny line, and do it brilliantly, but it’s the moments when they face the possibility of life outside the four walls they’ve come to call home that really make an impact.

Photo credit: Mark Douet

It might help to be a football fan – or at least a little bit in the know – to keep up with the play’s fast-paced dialogue as the three characters dissect matches and haggle over transfer deals. But the good news for the rest of us is that you don’t really need to know anything about football to enjoy this play. At its heart, The Red Lion is a story about the complex relationships between three men from different generations, with nothing in common but their love of the game. And that love – poured into every line of the script and felt in each moment of three excellent performances – is more than a little infectious; I reckon even Moss would be impressed.


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Review: Shirley Valentine at the Orchard Theatre

Guest review by Sarah Gaimster

The Orchard Theatre, Dartford, welcomes national treasure Shirley Valentine to the stage, as Willy Russell’s favourite approaches its final curtain for this UK-wide 30th anniversary run.

Shirley Valentine is a loveable Liverpudlian, forty-something housewife. With her children now off hand, she feels that her life is stuck in a rut and overtaken with preparing chips and eggs for her husband Joe, while relaying tales of the antics of children Melandra and Brian and a variety of friends and neighbours to her confidant, the kitchen wall.

Shirley is played by Nicky Swift in this one woman show. Nicky, from Merseyside herself, trained at Birmingham University and The Royal Academy of Music, where she received the Ian Fleming Musical Theatre Award. Nicky’s recent accolades include a lead role in Footloose and the formidable Madame Thénardier in Les Misérables.

Nicky brings the role of Shirley to life wonderfully. As the downtrodden housewife in the first half, her character quickly urges you to feel for her plight, a touch of humour in the right places draws you in further wanting her to snatch the opportunity presented, spread her wings, untie her apron strings and escape the confines of her comforting kitchen walls.

In the second half we are transported to a Greek island, where a fulfilled Shirley is transformed into a beautiful sun kissed goddess, with a new zest for life and keen to live life to the full. Shirley’s new confidant is rock, with whom she shares tales of her escapades on the island, including a brief fling with taverna owner Costas.

The show does a great job of raising your spirits and has you leaving the theatre smiling and laughing at comic quotes cleverly thrown in to a brilliant script. Holding an audience captivated for two hours on your own takes some skill and practice, not to mention the astounding number of lines Nicky has to remember.

Shirley Valentine is at The Orchard until Saturday 11th November. Grab your tickets before it’s too late, you really don’t want to miss this.

Review: House on Haunted Hill at Leicester Square Theatre

You know you’re in for an interesting evening at the theatre when you’re greeted by a man in a biohazard suit handing out ping pong balls. For those who saw the Lampoons’ last show, Attack of the Giant Leeches, this will come as no surprise. For those who didn’t, get ready for quite the experience, as the team return with their latest production, House on Haunted Hill. Based (incredibly loosely, one suspects) on the 1959 Vincent Price movie of the same name, it features a special guest appearance from “Vincent Price” himself, complete with questionable moustache and wildly fluctuating accent.

Photo credit: Headshot Toby

The plot, such as it is, revolves around four unsuspecting guests invited by Mr Price to stay the night in a haunted house. If they make it through, they’ll win $10,000 – which we’re reminded in the programme was a lot of money back then. Cue severed heads in suitcases, blood dripping from the ceiling, and a balaclava ballet band performing Swan Lake (what do you mean, that wasn’t in the movie?).

It very quickly becomes clear – if the ping pong balls didn’t already make the point – that this is not a show we’re supposed to take seriously, or even really understand; I’m none the wiser as to what actually happens in the film. Despite the name, it’s not very scary – but it is extremely silly, and who doesn’t love a bit of silliness every now and again?

Responsible for all this mayhem is a cast of very funny actors – Adam Elliott, Oliver Malam, Christina Baston and Josh Harvey (and guests) – who don’t mind making complete fools of themselves or potentially getting hurt and/or choking on a pickle. (This is particularly entertaining when you’ve seen two of them before in very serious plays…) Anyone who enjoys the antics of Mischief Theatre will recognise the same talent here for making chaos look effortless. The Lampoons operate on a significantly smaller budget, but they don’t let that stop them; quite the opposite – they embrace their limitations and turn them to their advantage, with hilariously dodgy effects, props and accessories that are just one more source of laughs. After a while it becomes hard to tell what’s planned and what just sort of happens, but the cast take it all in their stride, with just the occasional mid-scene fit of helpless giggles. And while I wouldn’t go so far as to say front row beware, it’s worth knowing that audience participation is enthusiastically encouraged and responded to by the actors.

Photo credit: Headshot Toby

As a result, it should come as no surprise that we frequently meander away entirely from the plot – though in some cases this is (again, quite deliberately and openly) just a ploy to keep us occupied while someone gets changed for the next scene. If you like to follow everything that’s going on, this may not be the show for you. If, on the other hand, you quite like not having a clue what might happen next, you’ll love it. And if you’re a fan of Vincent Price movies… well, you might just be a bit confused.


Can’t see the map on iPhone? Try turning your phone to landscape and that should sort it. I don’t know why but I’m working on it… 😉

Review: The Trap at Omnibus Theatre

With Christmas approaching far too quickly, more than one mind will be turning to the question of finances. So it’s an apt time of year to stage Kieran Lynn’s satirical comedy The Trap, which is set in a branch of the Debt Duck, a high street payday loans company where it’s not only the customers who are in need of bailing out.

Clem just got fired. Tom’s struggling to pay his rent. They just so happen to know there’s 10 grand in the safe, and plans are a bit of a speciality of Clem’s… Unfortunately, their ill-conceived heist is interrupted by branch manager Alan – and chaos ensues. But it’s fine, because it’s only stealing if you get caught, right?

Photo credit: Laura Harling
As we all know, companies like the Debt Duck may be legal but are also far from ethical, taking advantage of desperate people by offering a short-term fix in exchange for long-term misery. The employees of the branch are all too aware of the parallels between themselves and the Estonian gangsters who turn up later on in the story – but ironically they depend on the company for their own financial survival, and are consequently just as trapped as their unfortunate customers. Incoming government regulations are the catalyst, jeopardising the future of the Debt Duck and everyone caught within its vicious circle, and setting the scene for a debate about the ethics of capitalism.

Fortunately, we’re saved from anything too heavy by a witty script from Kieran Lynn, who clearly shares regional manager Meryl’s love for a good metaphor, and four strong comic performances from the cast (Jahvel Hall, Sophie Guiver, Andrew Macbean and Wendy Kweh). All four characters are somewhat ethically challenged – with the exception of Jahvel Hall’s Tom, who keeps trying to do the right thing in the face of intense peer pressure – but they’re also incompetent enough as both moneylenders and criminals that we just end up feeling sorry for them (Andrew Macbean cuts a particularly pathetic figure as the hapless Alan). The true villain of the piece is the unseen, mythical figure of company boss Trevor Wynyard, who has the power to make or break everyone else’s lives whilst remaining untouchable himself.

Photo credit: Laura Harling
Sarah Beaton’s set recreates the Debt Duck office in realistic detail, with director Dan Ayling centring the action along the middle of the space, with the audience seated on three sides. The lighting design from Jamie Platt not only helps us keep up with the story’s two distinct timelines (one night, one day) but also creates just the right level of drama at key moments. On a similar note, I feel I should mention the office’s temperamental burglar alarm (sound by Edward Lewis) which plays such a major role in proceedings it’s practically a fifth character.

While the play doesn’t exactly tell us anything we didn’t already know (payday loans companies are bad, basically), it is very funny – but is careful to target its satire at the perpetrators rather than taking cheap shots at the victims, so we don’t feel bad for laughing loudly and often. Recommended for a fun – and affordable – night out.


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Review: The Addams Family at the Orchard Theatre

Entering the final week on its UK tour, comedy musical The Addams Family opened – on Halloween, appropriately enough – to a sell-out Dartford crowd eager for the latest instalment from the kookiest, spookiest family around. And though the plot could use a bit more energy, a great cast, upbeat score and slick production ensure that audiences are guaranteed a devilishly fun evening.


In this new story, Wednesday Addams is all grown up and has fallen hard – and slightly implausibly – for jock Lucas Beineke. She confesses to her father Gomez, but begs him to keep the secret from wife Morticia until after a planned dinner that night with Lucas and his parents. She also asks for “one normal night” – so you can guess what happens next. Meanwhile, Uncle Fester has summoned lots of dead relatives and is refusing to let them leave until they help true love win the day, while in a bizarre but oddly endearing subplot, he’s caught up in a complicated love story of his own.

Cameron Blakely is brilliant as Gomez, the irresistible life and soul of the Addams family party, desperately trying to keep everyone happy as he’s pulled back and forth between the women in his life. Alongside him, Samantha Womack’s Morticia captures perfectly her character’s effortless elegance and dark wit, but also shows her vulnerable side. Their part of the story is a bit thin (man is persuaded to keep secret from wife for a couple of hours to keep daughter happy; wife totally overreacts) but it does set the scene for some enjoyable verbal sparring and several good jokes about Paris sewers.

The always impressive Carrie Hope Fletcher carries the main plot – and some of the biggest musical numbers – as Wednesday, who’s discovering her softer side and isn’t totally happy about it. Scott Paige stepped in seamlessly last night for Les Dennis as the odd but loveable Fester, and Dickon Gough has a hilarious surprise or two up his sleeve as the family butler, Lurch.


The chorus of dead ancestors – who include a matador, a geisha and a ballerina – in the end play absolutely no part in helping true love win (though of course it does – spoiler alert). But they’re good fun and a credit to both the wardrobe department and choreographer Alistair David; the energetic Thriller-esque opening number is particularly entertaining. In fact the whole show is a visual treat – designer Diego Pitarch has stayed completely faithful to the characters, and you don’t need to be an expert on the original to know exactly who you’re looking at.

Andrew Lippa’s music on the other hand is all new for the stage (with one distinctive and familiar exception) and, in contrast to its often darkly humorous lyrics, the score is consistently cheery and more than a little catchy; I’ve been humming Death is Just Around the Corner all day…

It’s no surprise that the script’s full of the dark humour you’d expect from the Addams clan. But the show is also a great reminder that being “normal” (whatever that is) doesn’t necessarily equate to happiness; ultimately, it’s a lot more satisfying to be true to yourself. Gomez, Morticia and co may be a bit kooky, but they can still teach the Beinekes – and the audience – a thing or two about family. That said, the story does leave a bit to be desired; after going into the interval on a surprise twist, the second act falls rather flat, and is basically just a series of different couples arguing and then making up.

That small disappointment aside, the show is a fun and suitably spooky night out for Halloween week, whether you’re meeting the Addams Family for the first time or you’re old friends. Following a successful UK tour, the show comes to an end on Saturday, so grab a ticket while you can. After all, death is just around the corner…

The Addams Family is at the Orchard Theatre until 4th November.